Been a tiring journey

As Chinese New Year approaches, we have to start planning for how we want to go about our visiting. It is a tradition that we go visit and pay respect to our elders. I can remember the first time Chase went to see his great grandparents on his father's side, I was very displeased that they burnt offering papers and choked up the corridor with smoke. Hope this year will be a better year.

Chase is now a year plus and he still can't talk. Guess he is a late bloomer. Wonder if it is because he is not drinking enough milk to develop his brain or has his head been bumped on too many times that he has become a bit slow. I hope it is none of the above and once he grows up he will be an intelligent boy. However, we can see now that he is rather cheeky and always playing a fool. :) When he doesn't cry and isn't difficult, he is indeed a very cute and loveable boy.

Recently, he has been difficult to feed when it comes to formula milk and porridge. Wonder if it is because he doesn't like tasty stuff or what not. I gave him his milk in his sippy cup and he seems to drink a lot faster. On good days, I managed to feed him above his minimum requirement. And on not so good days...I can't seem to feed him much. Thank God for his favourite DVD, I manage to feed him what he requires.

I do hope he grows up real soon to be able to communicate with me on his desires and why he is being difficult although I know it would be hard for him to explain himself yet when he first start to speak but I really can't wait.

He has also recently showed signs of crawling more steadily however he still prefers to stand. I guess he finds crawling a pain in the knee. :)

I should write more but it is soon going to be his meal time. I will update again soon I promise. Hope to enroll him into school soon and that he can settle in well and be less difficult.

It's the end of 2010

Hi everyone, it's the end of 2010. What a fascinating year and a wonderful journey. Chase has overcomed many obstacles this year from just lying on his back, to his tummy and sitting up on his own, to walking with some assistance and now mimicking people's action. He is doing great!

He often fell sick in his first six months but I guess the benefits of the breast milk kicked in subsequently and he seldom fell ill after that. Even when daddy and mummy was sick with the cold, he only caught a slight running nose and after which he was fine. Recovered without much assistance of meds.

However, he wouldn't let mummy off with a great bang this year. Instead, he has started to rebel and wouldn't allow mummy to cradle him to sleep. Not to forget about his resistance to formula milk. Mummy simply doesn't understand why the stubborness. It took a turn for the worst about four days again. Mummy is so darn worried that he is not getting the nutrients he should be getting. On top of that, he has also decided to catch the diarrhea bug!!! Luckily it doesn't seem as bad and doctor says to continue feeding milk with lactoforte.

I hope he overcome this hurdle soon and start to drink his formula milk. If not, I guess daddy and mummy will be in for a lot of trouble and mummy can kiss Hong Kong goodbye in March 2010!!!

Other than that, it has been an awesome year spending time with Chase and having some gf time as and when permitted. Finally going to meet the twin of Chase and we are so excited!!

Sorry for neglecting the blog. Will try to post more frequently as the time goes by. Every new development, I should write something about it since it is fresh in my memory. If not subsequently, I would forget about it all and it would be hard to recall when Chase wants me to in the future!!

God I pray that you bless my family and Chase and really hope he takes to formula soon. Thank you Abba.

A few months has passed

I have neglected this blog of mine as time is precious to a mum who wants to spend all her waking moments with her little one. However now I will take the time to update a little while Chase is napping away in the living room.

It's been an interesting journey being a mother. There has been laughter, sadness, anger and disappointments along the way. It's hard to capture every moment but I wish I had. I try very hard to remember every minute detail of the journey as once it's gone, you are never getting it back.

I have struggled with some important things during this past month like forsaking my freedom, just to spend most of my time within the four walls of my home. Gone are the days where I can freely call a friend out, have a long lunch or even do a facial whenever I want to. There are times where I wish all this freedom would come back soon, but then when I think again, I start to caution myself about what I wish for as once Chase grows up, he probably wouldn't even want you by his side anymore. He would want to go out with friends and wouldn't want to be seen with his mummy or be called a mother's boy. So I guess I will cherish the moments that I have now.

A lot of people ask if I have plans for a second one. The answer for now is a NO because of issues I face at home. It's a real struggle not being able to be a mother sometimes. The many suggestions one get from experience homemakers can sometimes drive you nuts. True I have made mistakes taking care of Chase, but it's all part and parcel of learning and growing with your child. Sometimes I feel people fuss too much. But then again, if we don't fuss, does that make us a bad parent? I've felt bad before when my hubby said that other mothers are so concern about dettol wipes on outside baby sits but I simple brush it off. In my opinion, I just feel it's no need to fuss about this kind of things and exposing the baby to some germs may do him more benefit than harm. Then again, I keep quiet and tell myself, as long as it means well for Chase, I shouldn't bicker so much with all concerned parties.

A few things about Chase. Overall he is a happy baby always wanting to play rough and super duper enjoys the outdoors. He still wakes up in the middle of the night several times and he is a difficult eater. Sometimes I ask myself is it because I ain't a good cook or he just doesn't want to eat too much. I got to try new things every time so that he will enjoy his food.

Tomorrow, the entire family is going for their first photoshoot. I am so excited. Will share some of facebook once I get a hold of the pictures. Enjoy!

It has been 7 months

It has been seven months since I last wrote in this blog due to several reasons. I have decided to try and update it again since I have more time at hand and getting the hand of being a mother.

Life has changed completely since the birth of my son, Chase. He is indeed a cutie pie as expected. Since he joined our family, there has been many ups and downs. From the time where I was struggling with breastfeeding, arguing about who should do what with KC (well ends up I do all except putting him to sleep), changing of a few maids until we found May.

Chase has grown to be an adorable chap, catching the eyes of both uncles and aunties. Not to talk about little boys too. Most of the time, the comments are he is very cute, has lots of hair...Haha...he has big eyes too (unfortunately, it isn't as big as his mummy's.)

How fun to be at home to witness his first turn, his first babble, his first laughter, his first foray of semi solids, his first illness, and the list just goes on. Indeed it is great joy to have him and there is not one regret!

I wish I could say more, but I think it is better to spend more time with him than jot everything down. However, occasionally, I will update it so that we have something to read together as mother and son when he does grow up.

I love you Chase!!

Breastfeeding

It's no joke having to breastfeed my little one. It is indeed a huge challenge worrying that he doesn't have enough to eat since I am still unable to express my milk out and feed him with the bottle. I am very sad that this is happening.

I need huge encouragement from the people around but it has been tough as everyone worries if he has gained weight or is he crying because he is hungry. I definitely do not want him to suffer from gastric and is wondering if he is.

I have thought of throwing in the towel to feed him formula milk. It is indeed something that has come across my mind. But I have yet to give in though I have fed him a couple of feeds. However, every time I do that, he doesn't seem to want to eat as I guess he thinks the taste is slightly different.

Nowadays, when my friends tell me that they can express a lot of milk out, I am truly envious. I wish that was me so I know my baby is always sleeping on a full tummy. Every time I see other people's child so chubby and cute, I hope one day I can say that's my Chase!

Right, now I just have to hang in there and trust in the Lord to take care of him and me till the future. He will be a strong boy. I am so tired now that I am going to take an hour's nap. I m indeed very very tired.

Will write again on the trials and tribulations.

Continuation of the ordeal

Am back again to continue the story...

So as I was about to be discharged, I couldn't pee as yet and the gynae said that if I couldn't pee by the time of discharge, they would reinsert the catheter in and I had to take the catheter home. I remembered that one of my friends had to do so and that got me real worried. I didn't want to have the catheter at home. So I prayed for God's grace and right before I was discharged, pee started to come out and boy was I relieved.

So I went home happy with Baby. According to PD, he did not have jaundice and all was well with Chase. When we reached home, baby was very unsettled maybe due to the unfamiliar surroundings and because my milk supply hasn't kicked in. This day appeared to be the worst day of my entire life as it hurt so bad to see Chase cry with his quivering chin...wailing away so loud and I am totally helpless. KC was very encouraging and told me to persevere on. I tried but it was so difficult. By the second day, I had to get one of my cell mate to come and help me. She even offered a little bit of her milk supply to Chase to help him tide through. Before dawn broke, my milk supply kicked in and I was jumping for joy. Thank God for allowing me not to give up.

Later on, he started to establish Jaundice and he had to be readmitted for a couple of nights whereby the first night they gave him formula milk but the second night I admitted myself in to make sure he got his food supply. I was happy to stay with him because the house felt so different without him.

Now that he is well and the jaundice is slowly subsiding, I thank God every day for the miracles. The current problem I face is that I can't express my milk out whereas everyone else can. It really is a mystery. But I am sure it will eventually happen.

Right now, I enjoy the two night feeds with him and the dependence he has on me. It is truly endearing to have him suckle on the nip. It is a real experience. I am indeed grateful for such a wonderful and natural process.

The arrival of our little one

It's been awhile since I last blogged. Reason being because I was trying to settle down with Baby Chase being with us. It has been a real experience for both me and KC. However, before I forget all that has happened, I had better blog it all down. Despite my gynae saying that I will suffer from Amnesia eventually, I beg to differ and if I do have a second one, it would probably be a very informed decision. :)

So here goes the event happenings:-

On the 14th of December, I returned from my in laws place as usual. Usually upon my return, I'll have a shower and then hit the sack ready to catch a movie. Anyway, before I could do so, I had realised there was stain on my liner. Yes, it was the "show".

Immediately, I told KC and asked him to call the emergency hotline to ask for my gynae. I took a shower and washed my hair. KC did as told and after which he too took a shower. I answered my gynae's call and spoke to her saying I stains on my liner. She said it could be the "show" or something else and asked me to get myself admitted and head straight to the labour ward. And so I relayed this message to KC and we did as told. Luckily I had packed my hospital bag, but there are always last minute items that we had to stuff in.

KC rushed to the Glen E and I sat in the car thinking what was awaiting me in the hours ahead. When we reached the labour ward, there was a sister in the ward and she attended to us. She asked me to change into their gown and then she had to check how dilated my cervix was and then had to call my gynae to inform her. So I changed into my gown and did my business. I asked her how was she going to check and she said she was going to stick her fingers in. There was only going to be a little discomfort but it won't be pain. Who would have known that was a lie. She actually stuck her entire fist in because she said my cervix was right behind and she couldn't reach it!!! Boy was that painful...and when she pulled out her hands, her entire glove was covered with blood.

Later on my gynae came and said that she too had to stick her fingers in to measure the dilation!! I was so furious...Why couldn't one person have done it?? Why was there a need to verify. Anyway, so my gynae stuck her hand in and said, " I was 2cm dilated." Then she went on saying that she had to burst my waterbag manually. And so she went ahead to burst the bag with her fingers. After that, my contractions became more intense compared to the many braxton hicks I had experience throughout the day and the day before.

Before my gynae left the room, I asked her if the manipulation at my cervix awhile ago would be more or less painful than the crowning. When she said that manipulation was nothing, I straight away told her to administer epidural. I didn't want to be garang anymore. I didn't want to try going through labour without assistance. She then said she was going next door to do a C-section and later she would send the anaesthetic over. I said ok.

As I waited, the sister came in and said she wanted to clear my bowel. Then I said, I had already done my business earlier. Whew..thank God...if not they would have stuck something up my anus hole. One close shave...Subsequently, as I waited the contractions started to hurt more and more. Now I realise once your waterbag burst you are able to feel the contractions more intense.

Then the Anaesthetician finally arrived. He was a very assertive man. Filled with confidence too. I felt safe in his hands. He started by putting a mark on my bag. But when he did that, it tickled me. He kept telling me to hold still, but it was difficult as I am a very tense person and the slightest touch at certain areas makes me laugh. However that was eventually done and I am glad that went well.

Once epidural was administered, it was a breeze from then on. I fell asleep while waiting for the dilation and moved my legs occasionally because they felt real heavy. The nurses strengthen and lessen the dosage when necessary. When morning came, and I was fully dilated, the nurse asked me to push.

Within three pushes, baby's head surfaced out...And KC kept encouraging me saying he could see the hair and all. When the nurses asked me to stop pushing, another contraction came and that naturally pushed the head out. But because the gynae has yet to arrived, the nurses had to hold the baby's head from coming out. Baby was so eager to come out to this world.

Soon after, the gynae came to deliver the baby and KC cut the umbilical cord. KC did not catch magical moments though as he was overwhelmed with emotions and forgot to take much pictures. After cutting the cord, they put baby on my chest, however I did not get to breastfeed him as I had to be rushed to the operating theatre for more mending. (Explained later) While KC was looking at Baby Chase, the gynae was mending my tear. No episiotomy was done on me but since there was a shallow tear, she had to mend it. After mending it, she still saw blood and was worried. She said that the lighting in the labour ward was not strong enough and she had to rush me to the operating theatre before the epidural wore out.

This was my first time going into an operating theatre. My gynae even mentioned that if she couldn't find out what was wrong, she had to undo the stitches she had done in the labour ward to see where was the bleeding coming from. Luckily the light was strong enough and she identified a second tear at my cervix area. There again she tugged and mended the tear and used a vacumn to suck out all the blood since I was at the operating theatre

I later waited a long time for them to wheel me back to the ward to see my precious and KC. I had to ask them to cepat!! Haha....This whole process was indeed tiring and it last about 10 hours. It was truly an experience. My privates was so swollen due to all the manipulation it was put through. It felt like it would never function again. Haha...At the last day, when I had my catheter removed, I couldn't pee still and was so worried. Thank God, eventually the pee came out and I could be dischaged without the catheter.

When asked by the gynae what I thought about the entire event...I told her I had never felt so abused at my underpart before. She just laughed and said she had no choice but to burst the waterbag. But she didn't understand the fact that before she did that, someone else had already beaten her to it. The pain was horrible and I hope never to be reminded about it.

However, I thank God for this precious little thing that has entered KC and my life. Indeed he has brought us joy ever since though the first few days was really hard to adjust. Will continue the story in my next entry....